Life of Sonder – a Life of Connection
What is Sonder?
The Greatest Aspect of a Life of Sonder
There was once a person in my life who made me feel seen, heard, and understood just by listening.
At the time, we were complete strangers. She knew nothing about me. We were random passersby. Stars of our own life movies, but mere background actors in the movie of the other persons life – ones that happened to have a line in each others stories.
Our movies continued on their own paths but mine forever changed by that single interaction.
Fast forward and that interaction sparked an idea that is being realized as the letters come together on this very page.
Life of Sonder truly is a life of connection. In fact, connection is the greatest aspect of living a life of sonder.
How can we better cultivate our interactions with others? Can we more readily be a force for good in the lives of the people we connect with – whether fleeting or enduring? Most importantly, how can we be more intentional in our relationships at home? And where do we start?
These are the questions I was asking myself, as I was on a journey to discover more purpose in my life.
And I don’t think I’m alone. I believe there are thousands of individuals and families out there seeking for — or already implementing — a better way to live. People who care about others, about their families, about making each day count…
… because time is all we ever really have.
I believe there are many individuals and families who find themselves out of place in the
fast-paced overextended family picture of western civilization today and are looking for ways to escape it.
I believe people want to slow down, see the bigger picture, raise conscientious humans (and be conscientious humans).
I believe people want to leave the world a little better than when we came into it.
And even if we only influence a single person for the better– perhaps even only our immediate family — our efforts will have been worth it, right?
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This is the journey to a life of sonder.
Maybe you’ve already started it, or maybe you are just beginning.
Either way, it is a desire to have intentional relationships and be a force for good that truly makes a sonder seeker.
The term sonder was coined by John Koenig in his book The dictionary of Obscure Sorrows (you can purchase it here).
When you have a sudden realization that every single person you see is at the center of their own universe, and their story has as many moving pieces as one’s own, you are feeling Sonder.
Every individual in this entire world is living a life that is as completely unique and complex as the one you are living right now.
That is both fascinating and intimidating.
Someone hoping to live a life of sonder then, is someone who aims to bring this feeling into everyday life, naturally extending it to encompass all that exists and further recognizing that it’s exactly what brings so much beauty to the world.
Setting up the stage for ourselves each morning with that sense of sonder in mind will make us feel small in this great big place we call home — a feeling that can hopefully gift us both humility and gratitude as we prepare to start our day.
Humility and gratitude can then breed compassion and forgiveness.
So what actionable step then comes after we have taken a moment to feel “sonder”?
I believe it starts in our own homes. We must direct that compassion and forgiveness into our own families first.
Only once we have established meaningful, working relationships and values in our homes can we truly become a force for good in the world.
It might seem impossible to change the world, but we can influence what happens in our homes, and if we can influence our homes, can we not change the world?
I would argue that many, if not all, problems we see in western civilization today are a magnifying glass into our homes. And generally what society deems as a solution is only a bandaid to what really needs help and change – family life.
It is well worth our effort to foster compassion and forgiveness in our homes.
Being more intentional about the time we have together and the words we use with each other helps us develop emotional stability, effective communication skills, greater empathy, and a sense of responsibility (to self and community). All things that this world desperately needs.
A stable and loving home life also provides a support system for each member of the family to become who they were truly meant to be. It allows us to face challenges head on with the safety and comfort of home and family backing us up.
Having deep family connections will also give us a sense of purpose in life. This is one of the most important points. Having a sense of meaning and purpose fuels hope and optimism. It helps us find intrinsic motivation and gives us a sense of self-worth – something that is hard to come by in these modern times.
When opportunity knocks, a nurturing home life gives children and adults alike the confidence to pursue it. And when adversity comes, as it always does, drawing strength from our families allows us to get through to a brighter day.
Individuals with a strong family foundation can develop a deep understanding of compassion and the importance of contributing positively to the community.
In other words, when we are secure in our family relationships we are better positioned to extend that care to our broader community.
As I write out all of these benefits, it seems crazy to think that society and western culture do not value homes and families or the roles of mother or father.
We have all met those people who truly seem to spread goodness wherever they trod, whose presence uplifts and whose words inspire. We look up to them, value their presence, and appreciate their talents.
I think, with a bit of work, we can strive to be like those people and raise those people too. We have more influence than we think and if we put that effort into our homes, it will naturally extend outward from there.
Though I am far from where I hope to be, I think a little progress everyday will add up.
So to live the sonder lifestyle is to take the time to become a more supporting character in the lives of the people you connect with. Cultivate gratitude, show appreciation, show up, be kind, make time, listen and spread goodness. Gain knowledge, have unique experiences, grow, laugh, love, and find joy and invite everyone around you to have it too.
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Build up the people around you. Inspire, and be inspired, recognize that each person is unique and has something beautiful share.
Take time to learn and explore together, and then seek to share your light and goodness to any person who steps into your circle even if only for a brief moment.
Be intentional in all that you do, with strangers, and especially with the family inside your own walls.
Live to create meaningful relationships, and whenever you fall short give yourself grace.
Recognize that we are eternal students and each day brings another opportunity to try again.
Most importantly, never underestimate the power of connection you have, and your ability to be a light in another persons life.
You may find one day, a blog post written about you.
A single moment that forever changed the course of another’s life.
Will it be for the better?
Join our Sonder Seekers community to connect with individuals and families who want to embrace a more fulfilling life together!
The best part? It’s completely free!
Here’s a sneak peek of whats to come:
- Discover & establish your family motto & values
- Actionable plans to help you become the best version of yourself
- Help setting up systems that work for your family
- Ideas for creating stronger family relationships & culture
- Service opportunities & inspiration
- Family goal trackers & calendars to remind you whats most important
- Community of likeminded people to connect and grow with
- & so much more!
If this sounds like a place for you, sign up now! You belong here!
